My Attitude Problem

I realized I have an attitude problem.

To those who know me well, this might not come as a surprise. I’ve been known to get a little triggered? shall we call it? when things don’t go my way.

Maybe it’s “maturity” in my old age, but the reality is my attitude problem has way less to do with external circumstances and way more to do with internal expectations.

I recently signed up for Charleston’s Cooper River Bridge run, which is a 10k, a.k.a. a 6.2 mile race in April.

I wouldn’t call myself a runner by any stretch of the imagination, but I work out regularly and have run a 5K before without a problem.

The bridge run was on my bucket list of things I wanted to do and so even though I don’t love running, I decided to bite the bullet and do it.

However, I have had the worst attitude about training. I gripe and moan and complain to my husband about how much I hate running.

When I actually get myself out there, it’s not terrible, but I still don’t always love it.

But I realized the reason I don’t love it is because I’m not great at it.

Now I’m not comparing myself to my husband who is a runner. And I mean a serious runner - he ran track and cross country in college and recently *won* a half marathon.

Maybe I’m comparing myself to how fast I was when I was previously training for a 5K? Or how fast I just think I “should” be? I’m not even sure what my definition of good or great would be for my own running.

And only doing things that I’m already “great” at certainly limits my life and activities.

It’s not that I won’t step outside my comfort zone. I signed up for the race and I’m following through on doing it.

But if I have such a terrible attitude while I’m doing it, what’s the point?

When I went on a run a few weeks ago (that was actually a pretty good one) I passed someone with a prosthetic leg who was walking with a cane. If that wasn’t God shouting at me that I need to be grateful that I’m even able to move my body and run or slowly jog, I don’t know what is.

And to be clear - God isn’t shaming me that I “should” feel grateful that I can run. Running is actually God’s grace to me - a blessing to put one foot in front of the other, to feel the wind in my face and soak in the sunshine and blue sky overhead. Undeserved grace, yet I tend to focus on what’s “lacking” (my knees hurt, it’s cold today, I’m not good at this, etc., etc.)

Although my attitude might not change overnight, I can pray that the Holy Spirit continues to change my heart over time. In the meantime, I’ll be trying (and praying) to turn my focus to an attitude of gratitude, so I can find joy in the journey - even when I’m not an expert.

Cheesing after running a Turkey Trot 5k in 2021. Here’s hoping I’m this happy after completing the Bridge Run on Saturday!